The wild and crazy adventures of a guy named Tom

Sometimes letting go is a necessary evil

2011-06-26T21:00:00.000-07:00

My heart is heavy, yet it's happy. I made the decision I've been dreading, and got the answers I sought for many weeks. I am not sorry I did, for I know one day that I, as well as he, will once again know happiness. I think I needed this catalyst to grow, to learn, to allow a universal lesson to grow from a seedling to a mature lifeform.

I love him dearly, and I know this isn't the end of this story...

"You never leave someone behind, you take a part of them with you, and leave a part of yourself behind."

-Author Unknown

I'm MAD as Hell...

2011-02-15T14:04:00.000-08:00

Ever have the urge to just scream your head off, but not really sure why?

Of all the things in life that make me angry, I look at how I can motivate myself to change and make a difference in life. I've heard it said that most things we "dislike" about others, are merely reflections of what we dislike about ourselves. Soul searching's told me that...

So, let's define what it is to be MAD as Hell... Would you guess it's not the definition you were thinking of?

I'm MAD as Hell, but pure crazy, not angry. I'm crazy, insanely in love with life, the world, the people in it, life's experiences.... I'm MAD about them all. What? Not the impression you were seeking? It's a new world out there. Life's entirely too short to be pissy. When someone angers you, why not smile back at him, be glad you're NOT him, and simply tell them you're sorry they're so miserable. Odds are, they'll explode into a ball of fire, but you've released yourself from a wsted emotion. I know, I know...practice what you preach, Tom. Trust me, gang. It's a hard notion to follow, but it's oh so rewarding.

So... To be MAD as a March Hare, I am setting out into the rest of the week trying to find something beautiful (at least one thing) about angry emotions...angry situations... people that piss you off, etc. For example: The man that cut me off and nearly ran me over in the sidewalk in Belmont Shore today at lunch, while on his cell phone... I think while he drives a very nice car, looked dapper in his appearance, probably lives a shallow life and feels he must keep up his appearance to be accepted. Ya know what? Me in my ball cap, flip flops, ragged teeshirt and slipon shorts, could gives a rat's patoot over how much money he makes, who he knows, what labels he wears, etc. because it doesn't matter a bit to the cops who you've called reporting his license plate. I'm not angry at all. the beauty I found in it (the lesson), is that it was a reminder to myself that I didn't, nor ever want to be THAT person.

To be crazy about the world...well, there's so much to be happy about and thankful for. Chocolate. The beach at sunset listening to the surf crash. My puppehs and kittehs. Getting a naughty text message or two...or three...or...

...knowing there's only 2 hours, 11 minutes, 42 seconds left in the work day...

Have a great afternoon, y'all!

-Tom

From the darkness...comes light

2011-02-02T13:01:00.000-08:00

Seasons change...
People change...

LIFE is full of changes...

So then, why is it so hard to take someone's passing, when we should be used to all this change on a natural cycle of life?

???

I cannot help but feel as if that one closing door in my life is trying to be slammed shut. I was raised NOT to slam doors, but to be polite and gently shut them. So, how does one be polite with knowing that someone is about to leave this plain of existence? I'm not ready to say goodnight.

I'm about to face my biggest fear by losing another friend. I haven't always been kind, and in ways I took for granted the fact that they'd always be there, until now. Sometimes the only thing TO do, is to let go... and help them into the light.

I remember learning one defining truth in Junior High Science: Energy cannot be created nor destroyed, it can only be changed from one form to another. So what is to become of us once we become one with dust again? I haven't even begun to think of where I'd end up as dust...especially in a windstorm.

Losing my Faith in Medicine

2011-01-31T15:00:00.000-08:00

I feel absolutely numb after hanging up the telephone.

My bestie has no idea just how short of time he has left on this planet. His mom is travelling to be by his bedside, myself and another bestie will be making our pilgrimage in the next few days. I am fighting terribly within myself to not break down, but I have failed. I feel I've failed because I could have nagged him to take his medication. I could have nagged him harder to go to the doctor. I could have smacked some reality into his hard head regarding the seriousness of it. I could have... I could have... *sigh*

As a grown man, I remember how scary it was to grow up and face that reality that mom just wasn't gonna take care of me anymore. Well, not really, because I lept skipping away from home at an early age. I couldn't walk fast enough away from the grasp of my parents...but some people just don't have that drive. Some people get lost in the voyage of self discovery and latch onto others for support and companionship. Nothing's wrong with that, mind you...it just isn't for everyone. However, not being able to function on your own...well here the dilemna lies.

For nearly 10 years now, I've laughed and grimaced and cried along side of him. Tomorrow, I may not be so lucky....or the day after that. I miss the livingroom Idol episodes in the afternoons while we were both unemployed. The numerous adventures we'd embark on without a cent to our names. Whereas he was my Ethel to my Lucy... I was his Rhoda to his Mary. Life seemed simpler back then, albight penniless and have cocked on his "Slayer" beverage... We had fun. I pushed him hard, and sometimes I wonder if I pushed him too hard, beyond his faculties.

When he got sick, I just couldn't comprehend why he didn't want to better his situation by applying for assistance then. He could have avoided a costly move to Arkansas, to Georgia...but the again, that was HIS path to take. Not mine. His choices were HIS. His choices not only affected his life, but all those around him as well. I feel just sick to my stomach knowing that he might not see his next birthday in a month. He won't get to say hello to his cat he left over 5 years ago. He might not get to see another sunset over the Pacific Ocean.

For someone who has the biggest heart...he sure didn't have a lick of common sense about life. He's such a beautiful soul, a bit misguided, but none the less...beautiful. I'm not going to treat him like a martyr, because the property on the wooden cross is already taken. I do however, want people to learn from this. There are so many lessons from this, and to each person he touched, I hope they can learn whatever they need to from it.

Driving out there to Tucson is going to be hard...

Carrying Around the Guilt of a Recovered Catholic

2009-01-28T18:31:00.000-08:00

Well, today was an interesting encounter with a friend of mine from years ago. I received an email from her regarding a rewritten Pledge of Allegiance from some teenager in AZ, because of Separation of Church and State.

Grrr! Nothing irks me worse than a closed-minded individual with no tolerance for people different than them. I cannot believe I got so upset over her response to mine. I simply pointed out why I felt "God" should be taken out of the Pledge, because the government has been sideswiped with religious agendas, (i.e. Prop 8 here in California last November) which carry out personal agendas in the name of God.

Granted, I believe in a higher being, but I don't believe in inflicting my own beliefs onto someone who doesn't want to hear. I would never witness to someone on their own front porch, invading their space. I can appreciate their wanting to share the word of "their" God, but when I say thank you, but no thank you, that should be enough for them to just purely go away and leave my front porch before I pull a rolling pin out and channel my grandmother and just whomp them on the foreheads with it. I just don't appreciate the lack of manners when it comes to knocking on doors nowadays. Perhaps it's because I get junk mail galore each day on my doorstep, pizza companies selling their wares, various advertisements, not to mention the occasional note from the landlord wanting something trivial like money. Go figure! LOL

I hate to get on a high horse, but her email just tipped me the wrong way. I suddenly went into "Religious Hater" mode, which isn't fair, but I think of myself as a sound kinda guy, but her email which I receive several of on a daily basis, has just tipped the scale, forcing me to get just uncivil about the whole matter.

God help me, right?